Tag Archives: Movies

Judge Judy: Al Pacino vs. John Madden

30 Jan

BLOG THE TRIO

INT. COURTROOM — Afternoon

JUDGE JUDY (JJ) sits at her desk. The plaintiff AL PACINO (AP) and defendant JOHN MADDEN (JM) stand at their respective tables.

JJ: OK. OK. Let’s hear it. What’s the issue that you two…gentlemen have between each other? Mr. Al Pacino, you’re suing Mr. John Madden for damages of $1200 for allegedly destroying your television. So what happened. Mr. Pacino first.

AP: Well. Oh boy. YOUR Honor. I’ll tell you. What happened. OK. Here’s what happened: ME and JOHN are watching football. Football. GOOD. American game. At my home. In the living room. Sitting. On. The couch. The couch. Oh boy.
JJ: Please get to the point, sir. We don’t have all day here.
AP: And the Raiders, John’s team. Scores a TOUCH DOWN! TOUCH DOWN BABY! Oh boy. Oh boy. BIG TOUCH DOWN…FOR. THE RAIDERS. Oh boy.
JM: THEY’RE A GOOD TEAM. WHEN THEY SEND THAT BALL INTO THE END ZONE AND A RAIDERS RECEIVER OR RUNNING BACK CATCHES IT, THEY SCORE A TOUCH DOWN.
JJ: Don’t interrupt, sir! We all know how football works. Continue, Mr. Pacino.
AP: OK. Hoah! So I pause my DVR and rewind. THEN. Johnny boy! OH BOY! JOHNY BOY! Takes out a highlighter. A YELLOW HIGHLIGHTER! And starts drawing. Drawing circles. CIRCLES! On my television set. My television.

JJ: Is this true, Mr. Madden?

JM: WELL WHEN YOU RUN THE BALL INTO THE OPPOSING TEAM’S N-ZONE THEN THAT’S A TOUCHDOWN!
JJ: Mr. Madden, no one is concerned with the rules of football here. We’re concerned with the law. Did you or did you not draw on Mr. Pacino’s television?
JM: WELL WHEN YOU DRAW ON THE TV SHOWING HOW YOUR TEAM RAN THE BALL INTO THE OPPOSING TEAM’S N-ZONE THEN THAT’S A TOUCHDOWN! YOU SHOWED IT! RIGHT THERE IN HIGHLIGHTED YELLOW!
JJ: So you did draw on Mr. Pacino’s TV. OK. This has been quite enough. Judgment is awar..
JM: BUT I WIPED IT OFF. WHEN YOU DRAW ON THE TV WITH ERASABLE YELLOW MARKER THEN WIPE IT OFF THERE IS NO MORE ERASABLE YELLOW MARKER ON THE TV. IT’S ALL GONE!
JJ: Hmm. Well. Then this is interesting! Mr. Pacino, did Mr. Madden remove the marker stains from your TV?

AP: Well… Oh boy. Oh boy.

JM: I HAVE PICTURES! I TOOK PICTURES WITH MY IPHONE 5 CAMERA. WHEN APPLE PAYS YOU MONEY FOR A PLUG AND YOU DO THE PLUG YOU GET PAID BY APPL
JJ: Just show us the pictures Mr. Madden. And I will remind you: corporate sponsorships are not allowed in this basic cable TV court of law!
JM: THE PICTURES ARE HERE! WHEN YOU PRINT IPHONE PICTURES ON YOUR PRINTER THE PRINTER PRINTS THEM!

The bailiff (an inexplicably rotund and uncharacteristically gruff Don Cheadle) takes the photos from JOHN MADDEN and produces them to JUDGE JUDY. The audience, live and TV, are shown them as well. There are no discernible yellow highlighter marks on AL PACINO’s TV.

JJ: Ah ha! Well. Mr. Pacino, you don’t seem to have been entirely truthful with this court.
AP: Oh boy!
JJ: Can it, Mr. Pacino! You have been dishonest. And your claim to $1200 of Mr. Madden’s money is baloney!
AP: WELL!
JJ: BALONEY!
AP: IT WAS THE PRINCIPLE! You guys…
JJ: CAN IT, MR. PACINO!
AP: You guys! JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS OUT..THEY
JJ: Sir, you’re out of order!
AP: Out of order? I show you out of order! You don’t know what out of order is, Mrs. Judy…

Advertisements

RoboCop Is a Difficult Guy to Work With

26 Nov

Robocop_film

INT. OFFICE – EARLY EVENING

ROBOCOP is at his desk, typing away like a machine. GREG and RAJ stand a few feet away, looking at him.

Raj: He’s been working nine am to eleven pm every day for the past month.
Greg: Look, the guy has a work ethic–no one can argue with that–but he’s setting the bar a bit high for the rest of us, you know?
Raj: I know. Hey, I’ve regularly put in 50-60 hour weeks here. But with this guy, you can’t compete. I have other priorities–wife, kids, groceries–a life, you know. I can’t afford to be here till 11pm everyday.
Greg: Yeah man; he’s making us look bad.
Raj: Do you think we should say something to him?
Greg: He’s a bit difficult to get along with, but I don’t know…
Raj: I’m going to say something to him.
Greg: It’s your call, man. Anyway, I gotta hit the road, see you Monday.
Raj: Have a good weekend. I’ll see you Monday.

GREG leaves. RAJ walks up to ROBOCOP, who is still sitting at his desk typing steadfastly.

Raj: Hey…hi…RoboCop?
RoboCop: Raj Patel, Digital Marketing Analyst, how may I assist you?
Raj: Well, there’s something that I–that we’ve–wanted to talk to you about.
RoboCop: Specify.
Raj: Look, RoboCop. We all appreciate the amount of work you put in here. But you don’t need to work to 11 at night, 12 or one in the morning every day.
RoboCop: False: I require only one hour of charging for every 24 hours of activity. I can work from 9:00am to 8:00am, but do not as there is insufficient work.
Raj: Well, that’s the thing, RoboCop: The rest of us can’t work 23 hour days. It’s not humanely possible.
RoboCop: I am not–no longer–human.
Raj: I’m not saying…
RoboCop: What are you saying Raj Patel, Digital Marketing Analyst?
Raj: Look, when you put in those kind of hours even if your a…robo…machine–what do you prefer?
RoboCop: I have no preferences. Only programming.
Raj: Well, when you put in those kind of hours, it makes the rest of us look less capable. And besides, we can’t put in those kind of hours. We have families and lives to tend to. I’m sure you can understand?

ROBOCOP pauses momentarily before looking off scene, his lips quivering slightly below the metallic sheen of his helmet.

Robocop: Affirmative: Alex Murphy had a family…loving wife and children…
Raj: I know RoboCop. I know…

%d bloggers like this: