Wayback Playback Into Existential Crisis

INT. DAY TIME TALK SHOW SET – DAY

Jennifer Lopez (JL) and INTERVIEWER sit facing one another, each at a one quarter turn from the audience.

Interviewer: So, are you still Jenny from the block?
JL: Yes.
Interviewer: No, but really.
JL: Yes, for sure!
Interviewer: I don’t believe you.
JL: I’m still the same person.
Interviewer: And I still don’t believe you.
JL: Are you serious?
Interviewer: Why wouldn’t I be?
JL: For real?
Interviewer: You’re not still Jenny from the block. Just aren’t.
JL: Okay,this is ridiculous. Who am I then? If I’m not Jennifer, who am I?!
Interview: You’re a giant beetle.
JL: What!? No, I’m no…

JL looks at herself. She is a six-legged arthropod with a shiny black carapace covering her wings. She is indeed a beetle.

KAFKAED!

(For hackneyed seo purposes: Existential Crisis)

The 3 Most Overlooked Shakespeare Quotes

“The fuck you lookin’ at, punk?”

Shakespeare is the most well known and celebrated wordsmith in the English language. As revered as the Bard is though, many of his bon mots have been buried beneath the sands of time, almost forgotten. Let us then unearth these treasures and rejoice in their riches.

1. Culinary Complaints

“You call that salami? Get outta here, you fukin’ goof!”

2. The Dandy’s Doubt

“Yo, does this frilled collar make my frilled neck look big?”

3. The Ill Inquisitor

“Hey, gettova ‘ere! What does this look like to you: A wart or a boil?”

If you liked the above shameless bullshit, I expect you’ll be happy to know there are still a couple of weeks left in the United States Presidential Election.

Moby Dick

This right here is a watertight argument against intelligent design. No compassionate, all powerful being would allow such a wretched, twisted creature to pollute the earth with its hideous countenance. If I were a bug (of the non-creep  variety, like an aphid) and had to deal with these leg-hording bastards up close, I would just give up and leave the car running in the garage. Fuck it. Goodbye, Cruel World. I would be too wearied by such utter disgust, fear and relentless nihilism at the sight of such obnoxious little reminders of a cold, indifferent universe to do anything else. But, hey! I am not an aphid. So, fuck a centipede. I squash them like it ain’t no thing but a chicken wing. Yet still, there is one rather large centipede I have seen lurking about my washroom, eluding my wrath…taunting me.

The White Centipede. Hast thou seen him?