Tag Archives: Judge Judy

Judge Judy: Al Pacino vs. John Madden

30 Jan

BLOG THE TRIO

INT. COURTROOM — Afternoon

JUDGE JUDY (JJ) sits at her desk. The plaintiff AL PACINO (AP) and defendant JOHN MADDEN (JM) stand at their respective tables.

JJ: OK. OK. Let’s hear it. What’s the issue that you two…gentlemen have between each other? Mr. Al Pacino, you’re suing Mr. John Madden for damages of $1200 for allegedly destroying your television. So what happened. Mr. Pacino first.

AP: Well. Oh boy. YOUR Honor. I’ll tell you. What happened. OK. Here’s what happened: ME and JOHN are watching football. Football. GOOD. American game. At my home. In the living room. Sitting. On. The couch. The couch. Oh boy.
JJ: Please get to the point, sir. We don’t have all day here.
AP: And the Raiders, John’s team. Scores a TOUCH DOWN! TOUCH DOWN BABY! Oh boy. Oh boy. BIG TOUCH DOWN…FOR. THE RAIDERS. Oh boy.
JM: THEY’RE A GOOD TEAM. WHEN THEY SEND THAT BALL INTO THE END ZONE AND A RAIDERS RECEIVER OR RUNNING BACK CATCHES IT, THEY SCORE A TOUCH DOWN.
JJ: Don’t interrupt, sir! We all know how football works. Continue, Mr. Pacino.
AP: OK. Hoah! So I pause my DVR and rewind. THEN. Johnny boy! OH BOY! JOHNY BOY! Takes out a highlighter. A YELLOW HIGHLIGHTER! And starts drawing. Drawing circles. CIRCLES! On my television set. My television.

JJ: Is this true, Mr. Madden?

JM: WELL WHEN YOU RUN THE BALL INTO THE OPPOSING TEAM’S N-ZONE THEN THAT’S A TOUCHDOWN!
JJ: Mr. Madden, no one is concerned with the rules of football here. We’re concerned with the law. Did you or did you not draw on Mr. Pacino’s television?
JM: WELL WHEN YOU DRAW ON THE TV SHOWING HOW YOUR TEAM RAN THE BALL INTO THE OPPOSING TEAM’S N-ZONE THEN THAT’S A TOUCHDOWN! YOU SHOWED IT! RIGHT THERE IN HIGHLIGHTED YELLOW!
JJ: So you did draw on Mr. Pacino’s TV. OK. This has been quite enough. Judgment is awar..
JM: BUT I WIPED IT OFF. WHEN YOU DRAW ON THE TV WITH ERASABLE YELLOW MARKER THEN WIPE IT OFF THERE IS NO MORE ERASABLE YELLOW MARKER ON THE TV. IT’S ALL GONE!
JJ: Hmm. Well. Then this is interesting! Mr. Pacino, did Mr. Madden remove the marker stains from your TV?

AP: Well… Oh boy. Oh boy.

JM: I HAVE PICTURES! I TOOK PICTURES WITH MY IPHONE 5 CAMERA. WHEN APPLE PAYS YOU MONEY FOR A PLUG AND YOU DO THE PLUG YOU GET PAID BY APPL
JJ: Just show us the pictures Mr. Madden. And I will remind you: corporate sponsorships are not allowed in this basic cable TV court of law!
JM: THE PICTURES ARE HERE! WHEN YOU PRINT IPHONE PICTURES ON YOUR PRINTER THE PRINTER PRINTS THEM!

The bailiff (an inexplicably rotund and uncharacteristically gruff Don Cheadle) takes the photos from JOHN MADDEN and produces them to JUDGE JUDY. The audience, live and TV, are shown them as well. There are no discernible yellow highlighter marks on AL PACINO’s TV.

JJ: Ah ha! Well. Mr. Pacino, you don’t seem to have been entirely truthful with this court.
AP: Oh boy!
JJ: Can it, Mr. Pacino! You have been dishonest. And your claim to $1200 of Mr. Madden’s money is baloney!
AP: WELL!
JJ: BALONEY!
AP: IT WAS THE PRINCIPLE! You guys…
JJ: CAN IT, MR. PACINO!
AP: You guys! JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS OUT..THEY
JJ: Sir, you’re out of order!
AP: Out of order? I show you out of order! You don’t know what out of order is, Mrs. Judy…

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