How to Aggressively Market a Product in a Fiercely Competitive Market — Blackberry Case

INT. COMMERCIAL SET – DAY

“I love my BlackBerry! It has all the apps I could ever need or want and it’s really fast too. Great for work or play! BlackBerry all the way!”

Thurston Heins cocks the gun and points it at Blackberry “enthusiast.”

“Good. Now smile! SMILE!”

With a strained smile and glassy eyes:

“I’m so glad I switched from Android…”

“And what else? WHAT ELSE!?”

“And Apple. I…I got rid of my iPhone and got a Blackberry. I *quivering* I just love my Blackberry.”

Thurston Heins takes the “enthusiast’s” Apple iPhone from his pocket — its background a picture of the enthusiast’s family — and crushes it in his hand, staring shark-eyed at the trembling man.

“That’s right. And you’ll keep loving Blackberry.”

RIM to Target Amish Youth

It’s no secret that RIM has been feeling a lot of pain recently. The Canadian telecommunications titan has seen its stock value plummet over the past year. Its PlayBook has been overshadowed by Apple’s very popular iPad products and even the iconic BlackBerry has been losing ground to the latest models of iPhones and Androids. Given these setbacks, RIM has decided to target a market yet untouched by Apple and Android or virtually any tech company for that matter: the Amish. In particular, the beleaguered wireless company is aiming to woo Amish youth, who, though not as tech-savvy as their non-Anabaptist peers, are nonetheless curious of the temptations of the modern, morally compromised world.