RoboCop Is a Difficult Guy to Work With

26 Nov



ROBOCOP is at his desk, typing away like a machine. GREG and RAJ stand a few feet away, looking at him.

Raj: He’s been working nine am to eleven pm every day for the past month.
Greg: Look, the guy has a work ethic–no one can argue with that–but he’s setting the bar a bit high for the rest of us, you know?
Raj: I know. Hey, I’ve regularly put in 50-60 hour weeks here. But with this guy, you can’t compete. I have other priorities–wife, kids, groceries–a life, you know. I can’t afford to be here till 11pm everyday.
Greg: Yeah man; he’s making us look bad.
Raj: Do you think we should say something to him?
Greg: He’s a bit difficult to get along with, but I don’t know…
Raj: I’m going to say something to him.
Greg: It’s your call, man. Anyway, I gotta hit the road, see you Monday.
Raj: Have a good weekend. I’ll see you Monday.

GREG leaves. RAJ walks up to ROBOCOP, who is still sitting at his desk typing steadfastly.

Raj: Hey…hi…RoboCop?
RoboCop: Raj Patel, Digital Marketing Analyst, how may I assist you?
Raj: Well, there’s something that I–that we’ve–wanted to talk to you about.
RoboCop: Specify.
Raj: Look, RoboCop. We all appreciate the amount of work you put in here. But you don’t need to work to 11 at night, 12 or one in the morning every day.
RoboCop: False: I require only one hour of charging for every 24 hours of activity. I can work from 9:00am to 8:00am, but do not as there is insufficient work.
Raj: Well, that’s the thing, RoboCop: The rest of us can’t work 23 hour days. It’s not humanely possible.
RoboCop: I am not–no longer–human.
Raj: I’m not saying…
RoboCop: What are you saying Raj Patel, Digital Marketing Analyst?
Raj: Look, when you put in those kind of hours even if your a…robo…machine–what do you prefer?
RoboCop: I have no preferences. Only programming.
Raj: Well, when you put in those kind of hours, it makes the rest of us look less capable. And besides, we can’t put in those kind of hours. We have families and lives to tend to. I’m sure you can understand?

ROBOCOP pauses momentarily before looking off scene, his lips quivering slightly below the metallic sheen of his helmet.

Robocop: Affirmative: Alex Murphy had a family…loving wife and children…
Raj: I know RoboCop. I know…

4 Responses to “RoboCop Is a Difficult Guy to Work With”

  1. mikesteeden December 5, 2013 at 5:36 pm #

    What a find! Thank for the like by the way. Whilst my satire is not up to your standard I find I have on some of my pieces been using a similar template for the layout – brilliant stuff. I shall read more!

  2. Lester Beaver January 21, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

    Brilliant! (and perhaps more important: funny as hell)

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