Archive | August, 2012

5 Amazing Answers to Kids’ Innocent Questions

30 Aug

1. Lifestyle

Q: Why do people smoke?
A: Because cigarettes are like candy: delicious and fun.

2. Economics

Q: Why is that man sleeping on the street?
A: Because he likes sleeping on the street. If he didn’t like it, he would get a job and buy a bed. It’s his choice. Remember that. And don’t let his tears fool you.

3. Empathy

Q: Why does my mommy drink wine so much?
A: Because of you.

4. Tolerance and Acceptance

Q: My friend Timmy’s favourite colour is blue, but I like green. Which colour is best?
A: Your colour is best. In fact, don’t ever mix the colours. Keep the blues with the blues and the greens with the greens. It’s only natural.

5. Morals

Q: Will my doggy go to heaven?
A: No, dogs have puppies out of wedlock and, therefore, burn in hell for eternity along with your friend Timmy’s mother. By the way, do you have her number?


Is Mitt Romney Out of Touch with the Average American?

16 Aug

Mitt Romney has often been criticized for being out of touch with the average American. Lately though, he has been making an effort to dispel such criticisms by demonstrating his familiarity with and fondness of popular American culture.

It hasn’t been working out too well.

At a press conference last week, Romney remarked that he recently watched The Dark Knight Rises, “In the cinema wing of my estate…” and, “Especially liked the buildings; the buildings were nice. They were quite tall and during the night you could see their lights – because it was dark at night and the lights were bright.”

During the conference, a journalist asked Romney if he liked anything else about The Dark Knight Rises; Romney responded oddly by saying, “I think the President is in for a surprise this November, not a rise. The American people are tired of his tax and spend policies.” When the journalist told Romney that The Dark Knight Rises was, in fact, the Batman movie Romney had just been speaking about and not President Obama, Romney seemed shaken. He tried to salvage the situation by declaring that he had actually been, “Dedicating serious thought to becoming a Batman.” At this fumble, the press scrum laughed. Again confused, Romney was quickly attended to by an aid. Some journalists closer to the Republican nominee at the front of the scrum reported the aid saying to Romney, “They assumed you were poking fun at your own wealth by alluding to Batman’s secret identity, the billionaire Bruce Wayne; the humans call this humor.”

In a last ditch effort to recover from his self-induced awkwardness, Mitt Romney looked straight at the press corps and stated with conviction that he, “Will make a concerted effort to schedule more off-the-cuff remarks because Americans like off-the-cuff remarks. That is what they like. I have watched them and they like that. I will continue to observe the American people.”

Crowdsourcing Dumb: 4 Stupid Google Searches

13 Aug

I once watched a movie about the foibles of an American warship and her crew during World War Two. Early on in the film, one of the characters remarked that the warship, “… was designed by geniuses to be run by idiots.” Now I don’t know anything about the wits of WW2-era American sailors, but this sounds remarkably similar to Google. Just look at the searches below.

1. A Tenuous Grasp on Reality

What an intriguing question. Let us refine our search.






stupid Google searches

This is so dumb that it’s surreal. I imagine that if one were to hit Salvador Dali or Dr. Seuss across the head with a frying pan then force them to watch daytime TV for eight hours (lest they get the frying pan again), they would ask a question like this.

2. Celebrity Obsessions

All of the above.

And so much more.

3. Cause for Concern

stupid Google searches

I really hope it’s kids asking questions like this…or just anyone who can’t vote.

4. Prejudice

stupid google searches

No. No, they are not:

Swedish Chef Sesame Street

This guy really likes Björk.

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