No man should have this much power.
But one man does.
We cannot change this. That bridge has been crossed and there is no going back.
Just as the splitting of the atom forever changed the world, casting the ominous shadow of total annihilation upon billions of souls, so to did this man when he donned not one, but five dogs in sunglasses — a feat never before accomplished. As anyone who has ever tried to dress a dog with eye-wear knows, they do not cooperate. Even if one, through trickery and sedation, managed to get a single pair on a single hound, the beast would quickly shake it off in a furry fury of contempt and indignation.
Yet, this man has put five pairs of sunglasses on five dogs. How? How is such a thing even possible? I do not know. I do suspect, however, that this man must have extraordinary, unprecedented powers of persuasion. How else should he convince the dogs to wear the spectacles without complaint or even discomfort?
Perhaps a single glance and subtle shift of his brow is all it takes for him to convince entire throngs of people to carry out his will with the single-minded purpose of ants. Indeed, look to the people in the background of the photo featured here: they all avoid the man’s eyes as keenly as Hercules avoided those of Medusa. Now, look to the man’s own eyes: he stares with dead-set focus out of frame, almost as though he is casting his gaze upon some hapless victim, who forever hence will be bent and twisted to his terrible will.
In light of these facts and suppositions, hope seems like the dim light of a sunset upon a winter horizon — a fleeting sigh soon lost to the dark cold. Still, perhaps there is one who can rekindle the failing embers of our wearied hearts, someone unaffected by the man’s callus designs. That someone, if it is anyone, is Cool Canine.